Never Say Die

Cannulas and catheters The ins and outs of life In a hospital bed There, that's your pee-pee bag sorted But all that really matters is The attitude to life Inside your head All comfy now, my love Let the machines go beep Draw their squiggles on the graph That's only half the story So you just sleep And you'll have the last laugh When you come bouncing back to us In all your glory Oops! Let's get that bit of dribble off there for me Ooh look lively, Frank Lady visitor come to see you And if I know my celebrities It's Mrs Tanya Turner, isn't it? Erm? Oh I read all the glossies, my love Need a bit of glamour after back-to-back bottoms and bed pans Come and sit yourself down Just finishing his obs Two ticks No no no - it's okay I'll wait outside Oh no, silly I'm sure he'd love to hear a friendly voice in his ear Wouldn't you, Frank? Hear? Here No, no I mean He can't actually hear anything in a coma, can he? Well, medically speaking It's a funny thing, hearing, my love Being the last of the senses to go But I don't doubt you'll be a tonic After those rude policemen coming to interrogate him Police? Said they can't close his case 'Til they get a full statement from him What? And I'm to let them know the minute he wakes up Yeah, but? Wake up? I mean, realistically? He's never gonna come back to us, is he? Oh shush now Shush Never say die, Mrs T Never say die It's more than just diplomacy When someone's in a coma, see You can't ignore the elephant in the room There is every indication Even idle conversation Might subconsciously affect his va-va-voom In all my bedside vigils through the years There's often more upstairs than first appears So unless it's truly time to say goodbye We absolutely never Never say die Look! You've brought the colour back to his cheeks already His whole aura See that purple glow around him? What? Well, we don't all have the gift But that's the colour of his Papal purple, you might call it! I'd swear I never saw a more Extraordinary aura And it's sure to mean this soldier's on the mend All that energy pulsating Well that must be quite frustrating And it has to find an outlet in the end With all the men I've brought back from the brink Some things still work much better than you'd think So while there's spunk and thrust and drive The odds are more than on that he'll survive You don't understand All the things we had planned To see him reduced to this Such a proud, proud man Oh Frank, my darling I can't bear to see you like this Being pumped up and down like a balloon It just breaks my heart You poor love You really are upset, aren't you? I can't tell you I can't tell anyone Oh, now Better out than in Applies to emotions as well as phlegm, my love And I know how to keep a secret That man meant everything to me And me to him And I feel so helpless Being left out in the dark Not being 'official' next of kin Unless, unless No, it's too much to ask What? Seeing as you're his personal nurse If worst should come to the worst Or pray God it's good news Maybe could you See your way to call me first? I'd be honoured Thank you Jeanette Never say die Mrs T Never say die! A watchful eye on all his vitals Every night I think entitles me To choose who is and isn't kept abreast On the strength of your affection I can feel a real connection And of course we only want what's for the best Cos believe you me when push comes down to shove There's no more potent medicine than love And to know that you'll be standing by Will keep his spirits high And that's the reason why We absolutely never Never say die! Right, well, I'd better dash now Honestly, Frank You and Mrs T? Well it's a jolly good thing You've both got me Yes you're a lucky guy So it's best that you comply And absolutely never Never say die!