Prologue

It's me We're on Second floor Room two-o-six Take the stairs And don't f*ck up The loyal and loving footballer's wife Learns how to put on a show To keep up the shine on her glamorous life Well it's crazy how far she will go But we each have to reap what we sow Hello I'm Tanya Turner Welcome to my mental world And for what I'm about to do may my Premier League dickhead husband be truly grateful Amen Well I'm still a good Catholic girl in a crisis But honest to God Never thought I'd have to commit murder to save my marriage For someone to win Someone must lose Once we begin You have to choose It's not a game for the faint of heart Screw your courage and play your part Who's going up Who's going down I'll take the cup For holding my ground There's no escaping for better or worse It's just a question of who blinks first Last time I wore these earrings was the night this whole shit-storm kicked off My only problem back then was getting Team Turner to the annual dinner dance