my amygdala

I wish we had talked about it There's a lot of things I'll never say to you I wish you had seen me grow into who I am today I think I lost myself trying to help you find yourself I feel guilty whenever I stop moving I know I'm free, but it's so lonely I'm afraid that I've peaked and this is all I will ever be Who was I supposed to be before I met you I have yet to grieve I still don't know what fulfills me This too shall pass What if my idea of me is better than my actual self What if I've already used up all I was given I don't know if I feel regret or shame I love you I feel like I'm always running out of time I'm still healing from things that were never my fault I'm finally used to your absence When the last thing left is the memory, remembering hurts I wish you weren't a part of the cycle of things I thought about in a day I wish I could step outside my head for a minute You made the rules It is only a matter of time before everyone realizes I am a bad person I think I am good, but I am not sure What if I am fooling everyone, including myself I am the only one that does not know I shouldn't have said that Everybody knows I am in the wrong room I am always in the wrong room I can't stop leaving myself alone What if I am wrong What if I am wrong I don't know how I feel What am I supposed to be feeling I have no idea what I look like What if I am hated for things I don't know about I am not doing enough I am doing enough You are enough How can I change when you are still holding on to this past version of me I think I miss you I think I miss who I used to be around you It happened There's nothing you can do There's nothing you can do I owe myself an apology Move forward Don't look back Remember when you thought it would never end, but then it did I'm no longer afraid of the past Nothing is permanent Not the good things Not the bad things It scares me, but it is a relief to know that Everything passes Everything passes Everything passes Everything passes