Baptism

Gold, blue Red through the window I've seen you Light up the stones in these old rooms I was in love from the start Baptize Cleanse me, take mud from my blind eyes Lay me wide open, let self die Make me a new work of art But when the certain light dawns And certainty fades How can I help but feel capsized Knowing my whole world's built on lies Trying to breathe underwater When will I rise? Down, down This is a masochist's playground More than a rabbit hole, break down What is the damage I've done Quick prey Hubris to think there is One Way Promise for life and then betrayed Candle mistook for the sun And as we gathered to tell ourselves We got it right What kind of history did we write? Who did we claim our God would smite? Trying to breathe underwater When will I rise? It's a mixture of worry Of doubt and repentance Of loss and of finding A self in the dust It's the sorrow of absence The longing for goodness The hurt and the triumph The love and mistrust It's the same shout of anger That lives in my belly That cries out for justice For peace, and for wrath It's the curse of this language The bane of this culture A people of cowards obsessed with its past The seizing of power and fearing its absence The joy of admission, the pain of release It's the standing here naked The hot blooded silence The boiling over, at last the relief You, there Challenge me, push me if you dare See, I am breathing in new air I don't know what is in store Woman Whole, undeniable, human Beautiful, strong, where have you been? I'm not afraid anymore