The Spider House

It was strange old day Starting rehearsals this way But we began by viewing Our "luxury" lodge It was the downstairs part Of our directors' house Right next door To the rehearsal hall We were taken in To a room that smelled of bin With an empty fridge And a banana in the sink There were three beds in our room But for the boys there were just two So, they had to grapple with who was going to share with who? Once that was decided We put our bags down And that's when I noticed There was a spider in my bed There was a spider in my bed A spider in my bed I'm really scared of spiders A spider in my bed It's ok, I thought, I'll just hoover that up later I can deal with that, it's no big deal But then I looked up and that's when I saw Spider's for days Everywhere I looked, there were More more MORE!! A spider in my bed And a spider in my bag A spider on the ceiling Now, that might not seem so bad But there were spiders in the bathroom Spiders in the sink Spiders in the empty fridge It really makes me flinch Spiders in the couch Spiders on the stairs Spiders in the roller blinds THERE'S NOW A SPIDER IN MY HAIR Spiders in my socks 32 and spiders in my shoes Oh, it's great, there's black wall paper NOPE, That's a thousand spiders too It might be ok if you don't really care BUT THERE ARE Spiders Spiders Spiders Spiders Spiders everywhere There are spiders everywhere Spiders everywhere Wriggling and writhing There are spiders everywhere Needless to say, I had a sleepless night Tried to suck it up, But woke up with a fright Two spiders now were mating Right where I'd laid my head And their sexual behaviour Was now happening inside my bed I tried not to scream Tried not to wake the rest of the team But I leapt right out of my sheets And let out a bit of wee I sat upon the sofa To try to grab some sleep But they followed me in And started going at it on my feet GET OFF I yelled, Forgetting it was night And I stamped stamped stamped until I felt like I'd given them a fright They didn't seem to care, They just stopped and stared All the while their cousins are Crawling around everywhere They're staring at me And crawling on me Staring at me And crawling on me Having sex on me And crawling on me Staring and crawling And sexing on me The next day I scared My cast mates as they rose I was shivering on the sofa And pulling at my clothes Rocking back and forth Eyes weeping quite a lot Nobody could comfort me I wanted that night to be forgot That happened 5 years ago It hasn't happened since, You'll all be pleased to know But even so, I have to say That still to this day I've never been able to look at spiders In the same way They broke me that night, That much is true And I hope that this story Hasn't broken you But if you start a new job And they offer you somewhere to rest Make sure it isn't inside A giant spiders' nest A giant spiders' nest A giant spiders' nest I just wanted to rest But I was in a spiders' nest A giant spiders' nest A giant spiders' nest I just wanted to rest But I was in a spiders' nest