dying inside

I still wonder if I'll feel normal Still under this stupid storm, I don't feel good I still love her but can't afford to Still wonder, still want to hope that she still do These days it's all facades in the weather It's like I only feel alive when I'm dying inside My friends are scarred, I'm no better Ain't fell apart but I can't hide that I'm dying inside Fighting with my mind, I'm always drinking and smoking to numb it Beating my soul down to nothing Breathing her smoke while we f*ck from evening to morning to sunset Screaming for something to run with But nothing helps when I'm dying inside I'm so sorry mama, I wish I could shed you a single tear, it's been so long Pointless parties just trying to stay out my head, I've done this for years, I feel so lost And they say hope, just give it time Yeah I know, I swear I'm trying But it's hard to even smile when you don't want to be alive I'm so sorry I can't hide that I don't care I'ts getting harder to hold on My feels are shot with these facades in the weather It's like I only feel alive when I'm dying inside My friends are scarred, I'm no better Ain't fell apart but I can't hide that I'm dying inside Fighting with my mind, I'm always drinking and smoking to numb it Beating my soul down to nothing Breathing her smoke while we f*ck from evening to morning to sunset Screaming for something to run with But nothing helps when I'm dying inside, dying inside...