Haven

Going to my haven Since I'm craving Everything I've made up but still I need saving Facing three bowls then I wake up chasing, waiting, giving my all 'til I'm fading Black it out now I'm evading What's going on around me I just let the evil surround me Until I can't keep counting Each day 'til tomorrow I'll be better maybe I'm just under the weather Or it's just the fact that my brain is severed From finding pleasure in building pressure Until I'm nauseous, get cautious with all my thoughts and moves Keep getting higher 'til I'm on the moon Then I can't be consumed Let it loose like a cannon Gamma rays like I'm Banner But my strength's not my advantage Always messing with these antics Granted I have never seen the answers Man it's getting kind of real Tryna box up how I feel Now I'm losing all my chances to regain any sense of planning But I'm failing like I'm Bannon I'm a chancellor of the madmen and the prospect of the saddest Father failed and mother tried to build it back up But I'm always in the gutter going under stuck in wonder Wishing I was wiser while thinking I know too much With no way to use it Snoozing and just drooling Sitting still I'll lose it, so confused Smoking to the music Rip it and down and lose it Don't know what I'm doing Don't know what I'm proving To myself and anyone next to me I been everything in the game Player, coach, to the referee Red card, yeah I'm causing penalties Before 18 did a few felonies But no one seen shit If anyone ever did someone would be telling me Smoking dope since Elementary moved on to the tabs and the ecstasy Remember me The shadow speaking selectively Gather up my thoughts collectively Until I'm ready to repeat the cycle Which keeps tryna sweep my right up off my feet Can't complete to these beeps and these flashing lights Can't compete to the things that I've seen in the clashing life That I used to know but keep crashing right Back into it I'm a bad influence on my own interests Invested in the misuse of any substance Mix it up that's how I love it Til there's nothing in my stomach Then I gotta vomit let it all out Don't hit the carpet Might not get me started I've restarted and corrupted What I've regarded as what I've constructed Now I keep following my instructions Which leads me back to the pact made with no discussion Feeling like I'm concussed Feeling like I'm living rough Need to be lifted up Think I've given enough Nothing gets returned Just the smoke to my lungs when the weeds burned Just the chemistry of THC and the nicotine But no longer is it justified It would be no different if I just died Currently nothing equals me Just made a few thou in a week Spend it on the food, drugs and my screen The way I don't mean to be Urgently sedating me like I'm in surgery But I'm only feeling like an emergency Nothings happened purely analytically Adding up theories 'til my mind detonates atomically Bombs in me Still got a hundred shot of artillery banging on the daily It's killing me, it's killing me