WHO Have I Become ?

Who have I Become Thinking with this gun These thoughts in my mind And there's no place to run Feeling troublesome If I'm number one Then why I don't feel like I won Who have I Become Thinking with this gun These thoughts in my mind And there's no place to run Feeling troublesome If I'm number one Then why I don't feel like I won Everyday I'm Growing and Growing Iced out like its Snowing its Snowing All around the world like I'm Touring and Touring Imitating me man they Cloning they Cloning But can't nobody on this earth ever replace me See if they try to walk in my shoes they'd crazy Or maybe even roc-a-fella No Jay-Z Or end up a Ghost like Patrick Swayze Everybody wants the material things I own But no one wants the mental illness I hold Only seem to want to come and see me on the road And I find myself with no one else at Home Battling My Mind Inside Alone But I still don't know Why I got this chrome to my Dome Who have I Become Thinking with this gun These thoughts in my mind And there's no place to run Feeling troublesome If I'm number one Then why I don't feel like I won Who have I Become Thinking with this gun These thoughts in my mind And there's no place to run Feeling troublesome If I'm number one Then why I don't feel like I won Depression is Killing Me No higher power around to be healing me Fighting insecurities Screaming out loud but no one seems to hear me Beyond my Boldness And losing control of my Prefrontal cortex Taking it outta context And Crying inside like I don't even want this When my father passed away and I was alone Tell me where was You at? When my Mama use to whip my ass as a little kid Tell me where was You at? When I use to have to work two jobs to get by Tell me where was You at? Tell me where was Ya'll at? Just keeping up with the Facts! So I'm Cocking this Gun Back Telling myself how would my mama React? Point it to the side of my head Temple looking down the chamber of this barrel Like a Train Track My Mind is a Train Wreck Telling myself if I pull this trigger There's no turning BACK! This Shits Hurting BAD! This shit makes me MAD! This shit makes me SAD! Who have I Become Thinking with this gun These thoughts in my mind And there's no place to run Feeling troublesome If I'm number one Then why I don't feel like I won