Failed Attempts (feat. Don Spon)

I'm a bastard, so no roses on my casket When I die just find the cheapest piece of shit that you can find Nah I don't mind guess I deserve it, realistically far from perfect Say it's time for my confession I must admit that I'm nervous 'Cuz don't nobody wanna die really, these Instagram models praying to the lord they die pretty Well I just wanna die quickly, don't wanna take another breath on this earth Guess it get like that when you struggling to find out your worth Been working at it for years, but still to no avail Don't see no heaven in my future I'm picturing hell, my granny called she curious if I'm still doing well I never was but quick to lie, cuz nothing in my life ever been simplified When I go the ones who 'sposed to love me most won't shed a tear I'm tired of lying saying every year gone be a better year Knowing it ain't true, friends say it's something that you pray through Well I'm tired of doing that with no results and I been faithful So I beg you don't talk down on me In reality you don't know half the shit I been through, or how it fucked up my mental Ain't got no time to explain, you see these pills that I possess they was prescribed for the pain And I don't mean to waste your time but I just needed to vent Since you're the realist friend I have I thought I'd let you attempt To save my life although realistically I made up my mind I figure this could be your chance to say your final goodbye Life is a game nigga you can't afford to slip, open your eyes and realize you just another failed attempt Life is a game nigga you can't afford to slip open your eyes and realize you just another failed attempt Life is a game nigga you can't afford to slip open your eyes and realize you just another failed attempt Life is a game nigga you can't afford to slip open your eyes and realize you just another failed attempt So I write a letter to my closest friend, leave my name out but you probably still know who sent I take the time to ask about your health and family, just to ease the topic that I'm shifting into gradually I peeped you don't want roses but you wrote to flowers, a beat about the garden of the mind we don't devour But see in order for this beauty we need patience, and hope for every rainy day the sun comes out to save it And shit that's all there really is to it, life is balanced see what I saw and just think through it Feed a plate and eat a plate so you can live through The sun is always pitched but sometimes there's just a mist through it But homie life ain't a game when you admit you can't control it And you realize it ain't a game at all so where you going See we only have one chance, this one chance is worth its moment Every moment is a chance to breathe the beauty that we hold in But don't hold in, I miss the good vibes When did it turn into goodbyes and I failed to try Life ain't a game but if there's one thing I control, it's the bond we both have and I ain't finna let that go Life ain't a game but homie play along with it, I hope the words I said to you is not another failed attempt Your one attempt at trynna make me feel like I ain't worthless, was supposed to be my lifeline But it seems the rope I tried to grab might serve another purpose Guess it's my time no longer feel like I belong here, nah this ain't a new feeling see I been contemplating all year But no longer confused on the route that I'll take, and yes it's loaded so be cautious of the moves you make I called you here to talk to you like face to face, if I don't get this off my chest before I go it's all a waste So here it is the only one who cared when I was down I'm being honest Out of all the shit I've done this probably be the hardest Felt like hell on earth but still for years 'till now I fought regardless Now it's time to go so I just ask you that you make this promise Pull my momma to the side, tell her she ain't to blame And while you here in front of me, I think I ought to do the same Realize it wasn't you who failed but rather me, couldn't bring myself to put faith in a God I couldn't see Biggest misconception of all but it's too late to turn back Maybe if I picked up that book my momma bought I'd learn that Just something to believe in, but instead I feel like leaving is my only option If you really feel for me don't waste your time and try to stop it Cuz that's just another reason to go, too many people in my ear hoping to gain the control Over my life as if I never had a mind of my own, don't question why I'm doing this see I been feeling alone I hope you understand and find it in your heart to forgive, but as of late I fail at trynna reason to live, damn Life was a game but it's a shame I had to slip Can no longer open my eyes this time was not a failed attempt