Life Cycled

All my life I felt abandoned Like I didn't belong anywhere I didn't have a guardian To teach me like a coach Just had trial and error No comprehension of growth Wish my dad had a father figure So he could show me all the ropes And show me how to cope Instead of loath in my sorrows Help me live up to today Cause there might not be tomorrow I got so much anger with him But ain't even on point no more Cause it's too late to speak up He ain't even on point no more My father bed ridden He cannot use his words Only thing he do now is observe And get around the clock care from his nurse, His nurse is my granny Thats her lil baby Wish she showed me the same love she showed him But all that changed once I became a lady, affection stopped but that money still came in, But I know she been through a lot cause my grandpa caused a lot of pain (mmmm ahhhh ) See my grandpa is a bully he don't show no feelings His only love is his ego and it's bigger than him He's 6'6 so that says a lot He barely lets you talk but he says a lot ( ahhh) I remember when I talked back as a kid, he pulled my hair it never been the same since How you supposed to protect me when you steady neglecting, You treat my grandma like dirt Now guess who's actions I'm reflecting Yours I learned a lot from you, like whenever I feel attacked I walk away like you, I raise my voice like you Every time y'all fought she was always the bigger person You could go days without talking Who taught you to be a husband But I know that answer nobody Cause my dad is the same way Which made me the same way That's why I'm now recuperating from that life cycle But it's my turn and I'm bout to change it All my life I struggled with my identity I just needed love but I was raised in hostility My girl expects me to change my life in a wink But she don't understand That toxic mentality was already embedded in me Sometimes I don't even wanna change for real Cause I don't feel it internally, I wanna get all this anger up outta me That was passed down that came before me cause It was life cycled life cycled yeah life cycled, life cycled yea, yeah You know I needed to get that off My chest Because, it's not like I can confront them with how I feel They just gonna discredit my experience, and get defensive So, this is me breaking that trauma chain, no more life cycles Kdike Kdike