Want, Wanted... Tried

Try to be a writer Try to make some spells Try to find a place Where I can express myself Wrote many stories and poems too Filled with sins And pain Filled with misery and shame Stress Scars And lots of mental marks Falling and keep going Yet not happy at all Drowning in the tears For someone, I can't have Praying to the lordess For someone by my side But all these guys I knew, forget me And pretend like they don't know me at all Wanted to be a lover but a whore I became Sleeping with as many as I can Trying to fill the void Trying to get some joy Even fucking, moaning and orgasms Felt once like pain You don't make me forget Who I was and my mental state Yet all comes back in full circle, cause pain, grows as my age I tried, and I wanted to kill myself To find an easy exit To run away With a knife With a rope And pills I just needed a gun Never put one on my hands So I never tried that last one I just kept myself going I just kept myself going I just made myself believe that all this pain would go away So I could keep going in this place