SON

When I was a child I was always alone Mom never home, 11 years old with no place to go I didn't know that wasn't normal, that wasn't right Thought every kid knew the same plight In hindsight I was blind, right Cause I should've saw the signs from bruises and black eyes Dad always saying not to cry The anger in my mama's eyes When I talked back, stepped up to her wrath Ran off in the night, instead of picking a fight I was only a kid, I was only a kid No idea what I did, no idea what I did I know you wished for a son Got me asked god what you'd done I'll never be what you want Pushed me away, guess you've won Here I am, pick myself up again Even though I am a sin Well, at least I am to them I know everyone tells me I'm all right I'm okay, everything will return to the way it was in the good old days But I don't want that The times back to hiding behind locked doors and school staff And always lying to the therapist, tell em I'm just pissed Cause if they knew how many times you swung at me, cursed at me It'd be you, who would be Told you're a mistake, gave nothing but heartache I am grown now I know how to take care of myself But I doubt that I'll ever be able to stand tall Wipe myself off after I fall and say I'm proud of myself for all that I have handled What did I do to make you see me as a loser Got straight A's, never made waves Not enough for you or my abuser Never gonna appease you or please you I was a goddamn child, not that you knew The difference between a kid and a toy That you could break down and destroy I'm not gonna pity myself, nah Not gonna get hung up on you, Ma Won't worry about you or your wife, Pa Maybe you'da loved me if I'd been a son, huh I was only a kid, I was only a kid No idea what I did, no idea what I did I know you wished for a son Got me asked god what you'd done I'll never be what you want Pushed me away, guess you've won