A Strange Loop

I am the story's writer I'm barely scraping by I wake up every morning I tell myself to try I say, "no compromises" I claim to have a plan When I am nothing more than An angsty, gay, black man Who looks into the mirror Despite the grief it brings Who hears these sloppy S's Betray him as he sings Sometimes I feel so ugly Sometimes I feel so smart Some people stand together Meanwhile, I stand apart Should I give up on hoping My point of view will shift And let this agony Just be my greatest gift? But if that is the secret Does that make any sense? How can I change forever If I stay on the fence? With doubts I let define me And lust I can't express And pain I keep avoiding And rage that I repress I should stop overthinking And do the thing that's tough Unleash my hungry lion 'Cause Lord, he's had enough Of toxic Tyler Perry And white, gay, male tyranny And my secret inner white girl Though she is dear to me But would that be sufficient? Or would that be a sham? 'Cause even with those actions I'm stuck with who I am Someone whose self-perception Is based upon a lie Someone whose only problem Is with the pronoun "I" Maybe I don't need changing Maybe I should regroup 'Cause change is just an illusion Just an illusion Just an illusion And "I" is just an illusion Just an illusion Just an illusion If thoughts are just an illusion Just an illusion Just an illusion Then what a strange Strange Strange Strange loop