Tyler Perry Writes Real Life

I know it's been months since we last spoke And I have no idea if this is of any interest to you Or if you have any materials to send But We just got a call for submissions for something very exciting Especially for you! Oh yeah? What is it? Tyler Perry Tyler Perry Tyler Perry Oh no! Tyler Perry Tyler Perry Tyler Perry Hell no It seems he's gotten so busy with film and TV That his team is looking to farm out the gospel plays To a ghost writer! It'll be a scream! And didn't you once tell me that your mother Would love nothing more than for you to write one? So how 'bout it, Ush? Just write a sassy matriarch A lonely spinster who loves God Throw in a few "Color Purple" quotes What do you say? Thank you for the opportunity (of course! Of course) But Tyler would be none too fond of me (Now, don't sell yourself short) The crap he puts on stage, film and TV Makes my bile want to rise (I know, your integrity) Nothing that he writes is real to me (yes, you think he sucks) Just simple-minded hack buffoonery (but no white theaters will touch you) And if I try to match his coonery He'd see through my disguise Just think about it! It's true, I'm still emerging Looking to make my start But not so hungry that I'd ride the Chitlin' Circuit I'm into entertainment That's under "cover art" My mission is to figure out just how to work it Today Today I plan to change this scene for the better Hello? Agent Fairweather? Somebody there? Race traitor! (Race traitor!) Race traitor! Race traitor? I'm not a race traitor! Who are you? I'm Harriet Motherfucking Tubman, and I got a problem with you! I'm Marcus Motherfucking Mosiah Garvey And I got a problem with you too! Jimmy Baldwin! Zora Neale Hurston! Twelve Years a Slave here Whitney What do you want with me? To get you together! Makin' me get my Black ass up out of my twenty-dollar grave To put your Black ass on blast! Talkin' bad about Tyler Perry! Who the f*ck is you, nigga? You look it, but you ain't no true nigga You make us ancestors blue Acting brand new Nigga, I can't with you Tyler is a real nigga And not a cracker-pleasing seal nigga He writes how our people feel With him at the wheel Nigga, what can't we do? 'Cause Tyler Perry writes real life Tyler Perry writes real life He writes stories we can swallow like Popeyes chicken and biscuits He writes stories we can follow Like we follow the drinking gourd He writes stories 'bout fat Black women with weaves Finding love and redemption With muscle-bound Black men who own their own business And truly love the Lord And truly love the Lord So if you won't follow through, nigga I'll SMDH at you, nigga 'Cause I'm just a somebody (nigga, what?) Trying to tell everybody (nigga, who?) That you ain't nobody, nigga, so Get off the stage 'Cause Tyler Perry writes real life 'Cause Tyler Perry writes That nigga built a fucking table for us 'Cause of Tyler, we ain't sitting at the back of the bus But you still out here chasing after all this White people shit When you're broke and got no money Broke and got no money Broke and got no money Nigga, that's real life!