Cauterize the Pain

Yo, you wanna hear something real There was once a time when I thought about suicide But I didn't want to off myself I was taught to believe if you did that In the afterlife you would rot in hell So I wanted to join the army That way if I died someone else would off me And I wouldn't be responsible for taking my own life And I still could escape from the pain Inside so many days and nights Those kind of thoughts crossed my mind Thinking back to the hardships I wasn't sleeping on a mattress a box spring There wasn't heat I had to wrap myself in blankets The burrito was the last of my options I was dreaming of a lavish apartment Just to keep myself sane until I overcame and The reason was that I was heartless to myself I said the fault was mine For every single thing that I lost in life But then I felt strong inside Because I knew that I had the power to both fall and rise So I chose to rise It's kind of strange The only way to feel worthy I had to show myself No mercy It's more than a name Now I'm only spitting flames Only spitting flames helped me cauterize The pain I've been feeling The pain needed healing The pain from the shame of my mistakes It was really the pain that inspired me to change Now I'm peeling the layers back And dropping all this weight I don't need it Now I'm letting go Of any kind of stress that deflects my goals So I sever ties and redirect my flow There's no sense of time Only a sense of growth The less I know the better Cause I'm extra focused The past is over What's next approaches And every moment that's set in stone Is only meant to be a stepping stone Cause I remember when I was on the edge of being homeless I had hit rock bottom feeling hopeless I was alone and broken I was close to folding Under pressures of my negative emotions That's when I noticed I'm responsible for this I gotta own it I was honest with myself And it brought me out of hell But I kept the flames Helped me cauterize The pain I've been feeling The pain needed healing The pain from the shame of my mistakes It was really the pain that inspired me to change Now I'm peeling the layers back And dropping all this weight I don't need it