Reality Check

I'm not asking for forgiveness but if the day is right Give another chance in December's summer And we should start to see daylight I'll say that I'm sorry And I know that doesn't mean a thing Cause lately I've been contemplating If I can swallow this all down in one drink My thoughts are dry and they keep getting colder Would rather die young instead of growing older And just like everyone says "It'll be okay, cause you're trying your best" Suffocated by regret almost each and every day Feel like I'm at a dead end Yeah the good news I found is now starting to numb And I see depression smile when the clouds cover the sun But is there a balance? Cause that's something that I'm bad at When I'm 26, will I look back on all of this As a sign of gratitude or a sign of weakness? Beneath I'm just a child But it's been so long since I've seen myself smile This is the last time I feel this good for a while This will stay with me forever and I hope it does So when I look back I can reflect on who I once was And just like everyone says "It'll be okay, cause you're trying your best" Suffocated by regret almost each and every day Feel like I'm at a dead end Yeah the good news I found is now starting to numb And I see depression smile when the clouds cover the sun But is there a balance? Cause that's something that I'm bad at But is there a balance? Cause that's something that I'm bad at just help me understand it