Deceiver

Look, I don't know who I wanna be Changing Lifestyles every week I got to break my back to get new music out And Then I only end up hitting 20 streams I've been stressing myself out to make an album Once it makes it out, I feel content At least for a second Till I start to question every Single setting Will this ever cease I don't know, people tell me that I'm skilled But I don't even want to contemplate that right now I've been caught up in my feels I was messing with another girl I should've left Alone And now I gotta deal with all the consequences Not to mention I'm a Christian dabbling around With Mm, ooh I know better, don't worry I'll get it all Figured out, I'll repent The last minute, I'm clever No way my time's gonna end 'fore I plan it to swear I'ma get it together, nah that was A lie I like to tell myself those all the time Deep down inside, know that's not gonna fly But I Wanna get the best of both worlds in This life Screw it, I don't care anymore, I deal with the strife I don't agree with what people are doing I don't Wanna do it then do it sometimes Know to most people that line don't make sense Cause it doesn't make sense yet it does in my mind Act like I don't know the price, I know I pay with my life I know I'm not just affecting myself, but the people Around me I told you I knew, can't find an outlet for all this Stress And honestly, that's why I do what I do Knowing the Truth, hop in the booth Pour out my heart for 300 views They listen in awe Can't believe it's you I thought that Lance was a regular dude, I guess he Alright Beat up myself cause it's been 20 years And I'm still At a place that I don't wanna be Scared of the day that when I have children that They'll see a version I don't want ''em to see Tryna be a better person, but I got thorn in my side And I don't wanna leave, blown and tossed up in the sea James 1 through 5 is on repeat, Billy Graham been Taking up my feed Papa Sam I'm followin' your lead I know I check on Grandma less than what she needs Especially right now, she hitting 93, but she been Staying strong And if I'm being honest, she probably healthier than me But that's another problem, I've been being lazy Losing sight of every single thing I used to be I had to stop, recreate myself, pray and ask for help Change my life before the clock, runs out I've been pushing everything inside my life aside I know that's not really something I should do I've been playing both sides, now I gotta choose It just hit me, just how much that I could lose And I can't lose it, I been trynna shake it loose But every single time I'm free I fall the cycle just repeats Caught up in my mind, devil said I'm weak And that I live a lie, hope nobody sees Cause honestly, he's right, I'm feeling like a cheater Doing what I like, then claiming a beliver I can't tell if I'm a Christian or just a professional deceiver