This Is The Third Time I've Thrown Up

Ima paint the walls with my bloodshot eyes Put down the phone cause I don't know why Everybody I love wanna make my choices for me I wish that they could tell that I don't wanna live at all No I can't count my sins Oh I never shoulda left him but I did oh I fucked that up Can't take back what I said no Cause I'm too weak I don't know how to fix this Oh I'm too weak I had to suffer you missed it You were never there but I listened I tried to call out for you I built everything here for you It's time to realize that you can't save your soul F*ck it I guess I don't know much but if I know one thing it's that I don't want love anymore Couldn't swallow my pride so ima lay on the floor Make a suicide pact then refrain to the chorus Because what am I? Without him I might die I got way too drunk and threw up three times I'm nauseous scrolling through your comments I don't wanna know shit Let me dissolve my sounds No I don't wanna let you down I built this world you can't escape it now I spent my whole life tryna find a way out When it's all useless if I'm without him Fooled by the fountain Thought I moved mountains Curse my soul and erase my doubts What will I do if I'm without him? What will I do if I'm without? I don't remember anything I said I prolly wrote that when I was off my meds I got a little dramatic and sent a suicide text Then I threw up for the third time Oh I know I lost your attention in the typos He don't love you baby Oh I know I did this all for you I did it all for you Baby I know I've been chasing this dream for way too long Now I'll never be free, where did I go wrong? When everybody I see couldn't be more fake, I had to hide myself in the DreamScape Now I'm chasing these dreams tryna save my soul You couldn't even do that so you let me go I'm in the DreamScape bleeding out on my throne I don't want nobody to save my soul!