50% of Me

I grew up in a place where dreams felt big Simple times no worries just a happy kid But there were secrets no one could say Hidden problems that didn't go away Mama's hands held the weight of the world While shadows danced and the truth unfurled Grandpa's bottle dad's silent war But they hid it all I was safe indoors 50% of me was lost in the fight The other half searching for the light Torn between love anger and need Trying to grow but the roots don't feed Moved from a home to a place unknown Switched my school now I'm all alone Mama built a dream while the past fell apart Dad walked away left a hole in my heart Long bus rides days that never end No time to find myself or make a friend I'd sit in silence trapped in my mind Lost in a system that left me behind 50% of me was lost in the fight The other half searching for the light Torn between love anger and need Trying to grow but the roots don't feed They called me wild said I was loud Always in trouble never made them proud Punishments came I stayed alone No friends no fun just stuck at home Pills to calm me but they took my fire Made me quiet but my soul climbed higher New school new faces a chance to grow First real friendships began to show 50% of me was lost in the fight The other half searching for the light Torn between love anger and need Trying to grow but the roots don't feed Mama's boyfriend wasn't a father to me Just a man in the house where love should be Felt like a ghost in my own four walls Cried out loud but no one heard the calls Punished for my fire dimmed till I'd freeze Told to be calm but I begged to breathe Pills in my pocket silence in my chest I carried the weight trying to do my best 50% of me was lost in the fight The other half searching for the light Torn between love anger and need Trying to grow but the roots don't feed Now I stand here scars in my eyes A man who fought but never said goodbye Half of me broken half of me whole This is just part of my story the map of my soul