Three Years

I wanted to be a garden I was trying so hard to bloom Roses and lilies and lilacs Pressed into bookshelves lining my room And here's a secret I've never told I'm not so scared of getting old I'm a little scared of losing the way Of eighteen being my last days There's a lot of things I won't let go I'm still shaking on long car rides home There's a lot of noise inside my head I still spend most nights lying Wide awake in my bed I know I caused the storm But I'm still scared of the rain I'm always outrunning the thunder Always trying to change my name I'm causing the slamming doors And bruised knees born from hardwood floors I've been prone to split lip lies Always known for helpless cries There's a lot of things that you don't know I've got secrets hid away Between the cracks in my bones There's a lot of life inside the dark I've spent most of my life trying To turn the stars into sparks