Imposter Syndrome

How can I ever be at peace When I do everything but fucking sleep I never cease to feel this pain And you'd do anything to make me hate I don't want to forgive you I just want to forget I want to conquer life knowing That I gave all I had to give Consistent failure While composing my eulogy May these words be the monologue I need to move forward This is an open letter to the life that I used to know This is my final calling You've caused these scars I refuse to show I bent out of shape Forced myself in place While wearing that smile you love me to fake I'm broken and empty This storm is unending I hate everything around me God if you hear me Pull me out of disparity I'm in need of saving I couldn't catch a break so I broke myself Mother can you save me I need you here by my side Your son is falling apart at the seems and I'm not sure I can mend this time Father, I know I've failed I tried to make things right But in your eyes I've already lost my fight There is darkness in between the light There is nothing here for me My panic blinds my eyes All the fences that I swing for end up swinging me from them My words create the gallows But the noose was in my head I'm sick of living a lie and I know that I'm far from fine But how can I be okay when you constantly abandon me I feel as though there's something I'm missing I just don't know what it is If there's any hope of saving, I'll have to let go of everything I've carried with me But the hardest part is the feeling of having nothing to hold on to And at the end of the day I need to do what's best for me So if we have to part ways, then f*ck it, I'll be okay I'll never find the help I need by giving in to your selfishness But you are all I've ever known, the closest thing to love The abuse is all I've ever known, the furthest thing from home My heart would burst for you, the closest thing to love I can't harbor all this hate These days, nothing seems to change I feel as if I'll stay the same I hate feeling this way Lost within my fleeting mind Break me apart Ground into dust Break me apart A victim of cost