Metacognition

Up all night and I Can't even sleep All I see are demons next to me Pain in my heart Don't know how long that'll be I'm checking the time on the clock of course I'm up past 3 Every day is a new day, but I'm feeling like the same me Finally went to sleep but now I see Demons so bad I almost ended my life But yet I can't sleep I see demons in the night (night, night, night) Quivering and shaking Gotta be hustling through the night Don't know if my time will come But I know it ain't over yet Don't know whether to go smoke or just go drink again Pain so deep in my heart, that you couldn't understand I could write a whole book, and you still wouldn't comprehend Im hurting inside but smiling showing teeth Hop on live just to show you that I'm happy But I'm slowly dying inside They don't know that all I wanna do is sleep inside my bed peacefully They don't know how hard I've cried when the memories come back to me Up all night sick and tired praying for a miracle Because only God can see that the pain keeps breaking me Protected my peace for so long that I ain't go no more in me Do you know what it feels like to beg for love your whole life and wind up lonely I'm hoping someone understands, but I have yet to find them Wishing my soul is fed just like the lies they tell me Lying on my name thinking I won't hear about it But I see right through the facade They acting so wellI think their favorite game is charades (haha) How could you apologize and cry to my face Made me believe you, but you just another snake How could you live with yourself knowing you tried to save the person who didn't even wanna save themselves I learned the hard way that some people won't change Thinking about my own life and all the trauma and all the pain I had no one to help me when I was going insane Stuck in my head (my head) was the thought of losing it all over again I know I aint sane I know I aint sane I know I'm insane I know I'm insane I know im insane I know I aint sane I know I aint sane I know I'm insane I had no one to pray for me Cry with me, hold my hand and laugh with me No one to save me, love me, never neglect me I wish someone supported me I wish I didnt feel this lonely I wish the tears would stop falling but theres no one to hold me Up all night again (damn) Don't know if it's the depression or the fear losing my mind all over again Don't know if it's the PTSD that's making me go crazy or it's the people around me Don't know if I can even comprehend all the violence that's happening Don't know if I can make it another night without relapsing It Feels like sleep paralysis got more of a hold on me then Satan You don't know what it's like when every night you're dreaming of demons Hallucinating recreating all the trauma you thought you let go in ya life Waking up each day with anxiety Wishing you never woke up again so all this pain in your head would soon end What kinda life is that I'm living Praying for a miracle and asking for forgiveness And now I feel guilty cuz I know that being alive and healthy is a privilege I have to thank God that it wasn't me he chose to take yet. I'm Blessed to be in my own bed sick even tho Im up past 3 Cuz I know this too shall pass just like God told me But Sleep paralysis is taken a toll on me Endless nightmares and demons I think I see Freddy Krueger coming to take me