n32g pt. 2 (in here)

I'm still up in here I'm hanging by a thread Mary Jane gotta hold devil wants me dead I'm still up in here I'm hanging by a thread Smoking roaches off the floor tryna handle stress I'm still up in here I'm hanging by a thread Been taking shots and rolling blunts almost every sesh I'm still up in here I'm hanging by a thread 11/29 passed 32 is dead I'll run this back for fun My wife just had our son The 42 hour long labour and trauma it brung It Showed up in my lungs Take a hit now I'm fine Instead of talk about the pain I'd rather just get high That there was nothing new Really I wasn't fine My wife and homie did some things I wish I could deny On maternity leave Late that September night After a shot or two with them I wasn't feeling right She could've took him home But that'd be a waste of time Cuz We had Grayson at my parents just enjoy the vibe I tried to get him gone But she wanted him there Could prolly guess what happened next one never is prepared I had to head to bed So Then they went upstairs They went to Graysons room and took Smirnoff vodka up there That's when the enemy Got through the 80 proof Yeah My wife and My best friend had sex in Grayson's room I'm still up in here I'm hanging by a thread Mary Jane gotta hold devil wants me dead I'm still up in here I'm hanging by a thread Smoking roaches off the floor tryna handle stress I'm still up in here I'm hanging by a thread Been taking shots and rolling blunts almost every sesh I'm still up in here I'm hanging by a thread 11/29 passed 32 is dead Let's keep it going on Let's see what happened next Next day all three of us went driving by our new address That brand new whipple home My parents helped us get We was riding in the car they also helped purchase I showed my homie the New Piano but we Could only look in through window we ain't have the keys This was the 17th September '21 We took him home I ain't know nothing bout what they had done And the she dropped the news A couple days had past The tragic part was in a couple more then we would have Reached our 1 year married September 25th With a new home, our cat and dog and of course with our kid But now the enemy Had made his way inside I shoulda learned the reason we should keep a sober mind That's 1 Peter 5:8 Hard part is verses 9 Through 10 11 I ain't learn the lesson yet so I'm I'm still up in here I'm hanging by a thread Mary Jane gotta hold devil wants me dead I'm still up in here I'm hanging by a thread Smoking roaches off the floor tryna handle stress I'm still up in here I'm hanging by a thread Been taking shots and rolling blunts almost every sesh I'm still up in here I'm hanging by a thread 11/29 passed 32 is dead Okay so now we get into it October I move us in I was also watching Grayson I ain't perfect I'll admit I get a little too pissed off sometimes but I also know this I took good care of that lil man I did my best and that's a win All of them pressure points built up me and my wife was arguing She had her sister over drinking she and I got into it Of course her sister took her side and they was both yelling at me but It settled down a bit until my wife took all my peace was Getting in my face said I deserve my heart in pieces Don't know how but I continued working on need Jesus Part 2 was drunk and high when I wrote down some rhymes Recognized was living in a product of my own demise She continued treating me as if she wanted me to die Spitting in my face saying his dick was better than mine Had me cut off from my parents not many people hit my line Only person that I had just stuck his dick inside my wife I'm still up in here I'm hanging by a thread Mary Jane gotta hold devil wants me dead I'm still up in here I'm hanging by a thread Smoking roaches off the floor tryna handle stress I'm still up in here I'm hanging by a thread Been taking shots and rolling blunts almost every sesh I'm still up in here I'm hanging by a thread 11/29 passed 32 is dead Let's continue from there Now I'm all too aware That she was videoing me in moments of despair Moments when I was down Devil lurk and then pounce I took the kitchen knife and cut myself was screaming loud I had no where to go No hope there to be found The more I prayed the more she cornered me with her phone out The Checkmate master move She sent videos to My parents of me cutting myself they ain't have a clue Why I was lashing out They said that I should go To the Coleman crisis center that was down the road So you know that's what I did 11/22 I had my first appointment said what I was going through And That's when they explained That cutting was a way To express the inner torment as physical pain Never did that again But torment didn't stop Later that night my wife said her therapist called the cops But the cops never showed up My dad gave us a call Said if y'all want this work you're gonna have to find resolve After that me and her talked She said I need to get a job At the time I was too busy watching Grayson and the dog And I was still moving us in Diaper change to painting walls Not to mention the few days her cousins new born came along And the fact that both my parents they had just paid off her car Plus 32 thousand dollars on the downpayment at no charge Was a gift to both of us to help our family get a start In a world where getting started without help is pretty hard All the furniture we had was also mine from both my parents We were talking said furniture her ungratefulness apparent And on top of all that My parents funded all the floors Several thousand on the bill the installation was some more But the installation didn't happen left the flooring incomplete For her to say go get a job standing on floors put in by me I'm still up in here I'm hanging by a thread Mary Jane gotta hold devil wants me dead I'm still up in here I'm hanging by a thread Smoking roaches off the floor tryna handle stress I'm still up in here I'm hanging by a thread Been taking shots and rolling blunts almost every sesh I'm still up in here I'm hanging by a thread 11/29 passed 32 is dead Wish I could say that she Saw the reality But the truth is she didn't care she never wanted me Wish I could say the same But I still wanted things To work out for her and me as n32g So then I closed my eyes I prayed to Jesus Christ I was sober and I really needed peace of mind I had dropped out of school I quit a job as well Around march of the same year said Jesus had compelled Me to follow him For the sake of my fam And to make music for Jesus as the great I am I had been making tunes I had been loving her I had been loving Grayson too yet I was so disturbed To hear her on the phone A friend she met through mine They was laughing as I spoke to the Lord Jesus Christ I tried to speak in tongues Don't think I did it right Who knew the video she took would cost parenting time what's good What's good what good? To the homie present when 32 lost a foot I was praying to the lord I closed my eyes so I could look To the lord Jesus for clarity one number is all it took I said it while my wife was on the phone and I was shook I said if God doesn't come through for n32g by the 29th of November then the Lord isn't with me For him to come through he will bless me with an opportunity To make some money and provide as artist n32g I'm still up in here I'm hanging by a thread Mary Jane gotta hold devil wants me dead I'm still up in here I'm hanging by a thread Smoking roaches off the floor tryna handle stress I'm still up in here I'm hanging by a thread Been taking shots and rolling blunts almost every sesh I'm still up in here I'm hanging by a thread 11/29 passed 32 is dead How is your family dawg? I pray you love them like you should I pray for patience with your baby pray you lead more than I could I Pray you seeking on the daily if you seek then you will find Cuz I know you claim the faith and I know so does your wife Did y'all think of my perspective? Would y'all ev