Buried Alive

I've had it up to here Seeing my reflection vodka clear Heavy words tattooed in my flesh effortlessly they smear Under blood like it means any less in a mirror Look at you you motherfuckin' waste You haven't moved a muscle in at least four days Yet you stay lost in this fantasy of bein' on stage Like anybody's gonna give a f*ck what you say I'm anxious - I don't know how much longer I can take this Can't afford a doctor much less the medication So I'm poppin' and drinkin' whatever the doctor is in And I'm over prescribed like I've got something contagious This disease has held onto me like hell I've quarantined myself - I don't need your help I went off the deep end - I fear I'm 'bout to drown But I'm okay - Try to pull me out and I'll just pull you down I used to think that I could fly I reached to the stars but they never reached to me I could never fuckin' get it right I'm staring at the light through a thin white sheet It's a brand new day but the same old me Can't crawl out this hole it's dug too deep Just hit six feet, keep diggin' and diggin' It's a brand new day but the same old me What would my younger self think of me now? I remember being 12 and dreaming about Being a rapper putting my first CD out I can't hear myself breathe from him screaming so loud But I agree with him; I don't really like me either There's something noxious inside me deeper Than the liquor can reach - gripping harder by each Second - I'm so eagerly helpless - I'm already prepared to Not come close to bouncing back this time I'm deflating as I put a pen to each line So the next time I hit a wall I'll fall flat This gift is a curse - rewrap it and send it back I don't want it Every minute I waste is manifesting into something I am too afraid to face It's pulling me under - I am not okay This shit makes me dread every moment I'm awake I used to think that I could fly I reached to the stars but they never reached to me I could never fuckin' get it right I'm staring at the light through a thin white sheet It's a brand new day but the same old me Can't crawl out this hole it's dug too deep Just hit six feet, keep diggin' and diggin' It's a brand new day but the same old me One more tomorrow has found me One more wall crumbling around me No more swimming to the surface to remind myself I'm drowning One more tomorrow has found me One more wall crumbling around me No more swimming to the surface to remind myself I'm drowning I used to think that I could fly I reached to the stars, but they never reached to me I could never fuckin' get it right I'm lookin' at the light Staring through a thin white sheet I used to think that I could fly I reached to the stars, but they never reached to me I could never fuckin' get it right I'm lookin' at the light Staring through a thin white sheet It's a brand new day but the same old me