The Ballad of Coolmire the Privileged

He's so fucking cool The greatest hero, privileged and white The chode who saved Christmas night The chode who fights for gay rights His heart and soul are burning bright Long before his Christmas save A machine gun's nest, he braved Enemies attacked him wave by wave All were brought to the grave Chode Team Six's path unpaved Earth's mightiest warrior he became The ballad of the world's coolest dude Creampie-ing asses in Whole Foods The Doctor of Death, evil subdued Wherever he abounds, cringe ensues Him and Lizzo do karate nude Cross Chode Team Six and you're screwed In the heart of the night, when darkness descends Coolmire emerges, his mission never ends A beacon of hope, he answers the call Ram Ranch Cowboys down to brawl Through the chaos a chode stands tall Lethality always remains his default Jason Bourne John Wick James Bond In combat he outclasses them all The ballad of the world's coolest dude Creampie-ing asses in Whole Foods The Doctor of Death, evil subdued Wherever he abounds, cringe ensues Him and Lizzo do karate nude Cross Chode Team Six and you're screwed What the world needs now is a chode He knows Obama they're best bro's Crack a bottle of Woodford Double Oaked They drink and drive in their Taco's Fuckin dudes and snorting coke Coolmire was locked in the gulag The warden went mad and released all the prisoners Only one man made it out ALIVE The ballad of the world's coolest dude Creampie-ing asses in Whole Foods The Doctor of Death, evil subdued Wherever he abounds, cringe ensues Him and Lizzo do karate nude Cross Chode Team Six and you're screwed Deep deep deep deep deep deep Coolmire Claymire Tacmire Cringemire Stealth-mire Big Smoke Cyril Figgis THE CHODE WHO SAVE CHRISTMAS Peace was never an option F*CK BOSTON