i should be here

Feels like I'm a thousand miles away from you Yet I'm so close to you I'd like to think I'm someone special to you But there's a chance that I could damage you So ashamed about how I feel around you Feel so much pain when I'm around you My chest gets so strained when I'm around you There's so many things I could say about you Complicated history, you and me There's nothing more to be, you see It's just my greed, I pretend to need I think you would agree I would kill someone, to feel free, to have won To conquer my construction, would that be fun? I'm sorry that I love you I feel so sorry From where I gotta be From where I should be From where I gotta be From where I need to be It's funny that this feeling shit is here to torture you Nonetheless it's a puzzle piece I can't seem to rest Growing up is not a race never left a trace except the violence that I face For being who I am Because of that I pack my mace She struggles with her third person communication Social cues are out of sight to her Transition comes with patience In this case it's the want to look like pretty girls Dysphoria makes me think femininity's a competition The jealousy kills me It causes me to lose any relationship I have She doesn't deserve love as the worst in disguise She's very against herself and you should be too Please hate me, please, please hate me more Shit I forgot to be positive for that I'll have to store That into her head to get a thousands miles closer to where I gotta be Where I want to be From where I gotta be From where I should be From where I gotta be From where I need to be From where I should be From where I need to be Semicolon