wit's end

I aint really wanna move like this You gotta believe me Had this mindset since I turned age six I been believing No seeing My faith was casting out demons A mustard seed was the goal I watered it with my dreaming My ma was first one agreeing Told her I'd bring home a milli She said why stop at just one Don't limit god to your speaking He might just open up Eden And give you taste of the reason Your blessings raining like seasons In amazonian jungles But lately I just been thinking What's keeping me from the promise Am I a little too honest Is my swearing a sinning Are my words like sonnet Are they bored of my lyrics Or is delivery missing I feel the mission is tainted Because I'm focused on winning First seek God And let the timid spirits get delivered Instead I let the spirits slither right into my liver When pressure builds I turn from sipper Into chugging liquor Nigga I been lonely for 6 years Fucking go figure This aint a picture for the poster child of pity parties I chose the fork with the river used at dinner parties I knew the price would be steep like I'm hardly home Sending gifts to my nieces that I've never known My own fault I think I fumbled the juice I used to really shine through for the light of the Lord My debut glass prism and a rainbow was formed Now I've collected all these faces that I cannot ignore Who am I when you see me I hope I'm not just a puppet A role player that functions As someone who could be substituted I covet a real love But I feel I've been prostituted And shoved into quick fix A drug for the destituted And broken No joking I'm way to open I pour into other people Like rivers run into oceans I'm hoping for refill but Im twisted begging like Oliver Feel like my prayers are Soaked in the gravity of a commoner Kneeling before a king Feel like I'm always bothering Bargaining my honor With prospect me of prospering Self doctrine is doctoring I've been healing myself With a praise break and some hollering I think I've become tolerant It's not hitting the same Maybe I've become obstinate Options went and left me With a hard place and a rock in it I went and Johnny Cochran'ed it Still got the Juice off While everybody was doubting it Now I'm chasing myself with it Mad that I'm not bigger Bitter at other winners Laughing at distant quitters I differ cuz I don't shiver at giants I'm David With pebbles kept in my quiver Defiant But pressure is rising They closing the sides in I am not the same nigga living off Highland Six years passed I've been putting the time in But I'm feeling more lost Than a pilot On a show Bout plane crashes and islands God know that I'm trying