GENERATIONAL

I think a lot about how I would view myself if I was judging me at forty three My mind refuses to release this montage of failure I swallow pills to go to sleep Cause sleep is all I can do When my chest bears stones And my heart grows cold And I wish that I could be with you But I need my meds To stay in my head And I promised I would follow through But I can't remember why I needed to So I lie down broke As the water flows And I dream of a time Where I ran with hope Where I smiled with cause With your love to hold This pain is generational I cannot learn from my mistakes, I just keep breaking all the hearts of those I love the most I cope by making the dumbest jokes to harvest attention and pity I'm horrible Cause coping is all I can do When the ground hits first And my world view bursts Maybe someday I can face the truth But for now I rest In the confluence Of a body broken into two I'm weary faking happiness for you So I lie down broke As the water flows And I dream of a time Where I ran with hope Where I smiled with cause With your love to hold And the years pass by As my wrinkles show I spent all my youth On a miracle But you never came Now I live alone You broke my youth with Torn up cell phone lines I spent my midnights Breathing borrowed highs I wake to horror Because, this is my life I tape my mouth shut So you'd see the signs I pray to Jesus All the FUCKING TIME But in a ocean of prayers, I wonder how could he find mine So I lie down broke Jagged cobblestones In my aching bones Lay a child who won't Let the good years go So he cries alone And the years pass by As my wrinkles show I spent all my youth On a ticket home But you closed the gates Now I die alone This pain is generational