Patrick the Ancient

Creeping from the darkness Emerging from a hole He stalks another victim Hungry for their soul He reeks of defecation So Vulgar and obscene His skin comprised of rotting flesh That he's pillaged from a guillotine It doesn't seem likely For someone who's so old But in his wake lie many prey Who've suffered while being trolled He's been alive for ages His death not yet foretold The only thing that's known for sure Is Pat is fucking old A hell-raising creature Impervious to time Just unveiling his face Is an unspeakable crime Fast forward several centuries While learning nothing new He seized a new career By using some arcane voodoo He's in the corporate world now On display from nine to five Interacting with this ghastly beast It's doubtful you'll survive You came into the office Alive another day Your colleagues look around and think What, there's no fucking way You've witnessed countless wars Yet your still breathing today Although mankind have prayed The Reaper won't take you away Your malformed, freakish face Makes the king of hell cry From man to ghoul, all walks of life Your sight will terrify Were you spawned in the depths of hell Or maybe hatched deep in the sea Your prolonged existence Predates modern history No one knows your weakness It's not known if you can die But after all that's said and done Pat's actually an OK guy