Where'd the good times go?

It's hard to smile at the friends who know I'm reeling in pain Still it kind of feels nice to know they're feeling the same It's been a while since I felt this way I'm telling them I said I'm doing fine but I ain't had a meal in a day I feel the night approaching faster it occurs to me The type of night that makes me feel so insecurely The type of night that I can't sleep cause it hurts to think The type of night I wanna turn my room a murder scene Hate myself and I won't ever say I don't Now there's a difference between seeing you and going home I miss how I would call you, now I just sit in silence I've found better for myself if I just stay quiet Between the "miss you"s and " I'm fine"s I'm growing bitter Cause in my head, I never thought I would have to miss her There's those who die in silence and those who bleed emotion I guess that I'm supposed to have the heart that is always broken These demons start to reappearing in my nightmares It's hard to beat them cause I know that they don't fight fair They bring up memories I buried now they right there Laughing in my face, i run but see them in my side mirror I have these plans and dreams but know I won't survive the night And I'll forget that they exist working my nine to five I'll climb the tallest building overlooking city lights To see it clear before I'm falling from the sky tonight Looking back I guess it's self pity Yet by admitting that I kind of thought that that would fix me I guess I need some time to focus on the distance I ran away because I've always been scared of commitment I wasn't fair to you I never cared for you The way I always tried to say I was prepared to do I wanna talk to you I really really miss you But second chances don't come often so it's time I withdrew You moved away but I guess that I stayed in place And when your friends ask, all I am is your grave mistake I always said I was a safe place Maybe I can learn to trust my words if I said them with a straight face But I ain't good at lying, yeah I know it's obvious The fault is mine because I see the angst I brought on us Fell for you but on the ground I'm lying right next to a broken us Try to look away but can't I'm lying motionless I try to stand but I know I ain't got the strength to So now the only way to move on is to hate you And I don't want to cause it means I'm giving up on us But I'll just prolly find another reason why I'm not enough "Not enough" "not enough" that's how I'm seeing things I look around at all my doubt like "hey you're free to leave" But he ain't going nowhere, we in the same boat running in place, never knowing where my strength goes