As I Feed The Flames Of Hate

A conspiratory silence fills my mindA hardly mentioned nameYet it permeates my every move.Power of will is hardly enoughAccomplishing nothing but a delusionarySense of completeness.Pretense, my own parodyAs played by me to humiliate no oneBut myself.This foolish game I play -[My spirit] being subjected to ever new,Devious plots by my mind -Permanently scars my soul!Etched in anguish, memories carved out in pain,StrugglingTo maintain my battedred sanity brings relief.While rest is an eupherism for torture.Denying myself the memoriesOnly worsens the flood of emotionDrowning me every timeAs I struggle to maintain my composure.It's asking to deny the reason for my existenceBecause I feel that somewhere, somehow,Our two paths will join at one pointThrough some spiritual, yet tangible bondWhich so far had prevented all of my deceitfulAttempts and insignifant conspiracies toEradicate her from my heart.Meanwhile I bludgeon pain into a manageable moldEncysted in layers of hate, permitting time toPass as I maintain -Hidden behind impermeable wallsOf my own bulsh*t!!!