Growing Pains

I seen more deaths Then I seen teary eyes I paid more debts Then I paid any mind I feel pain growing in my spine Carrying baggage on this Mountain that I climb This weight on my back All The faith that I lack Still paying for sins So I lay them in tracks I could spend a couple hours Writing down my confessions I could water my flowers Or smoke em up in the session Lord heal this depression I been feeling lost Like I need some directions But when I ask what's it cost I'm hit with cold expressions Stay on my independence Nobody got me but me I can paint a picture for the world to see And I ain't telling no lies This as real as it be Need to open them eyes Might be worth the investment Been hurt many times I'm never seeking resentment For better or worse? Could be a blessing or a curse Time will tell these rhymes Trying to seek the right balance Cause money is time In a world where I seen hearts broken In a world with the coldest oceans In a world Where my mother lost her children So when they talk bout there pain I don't feel em You fighting your throughts? I'm fighting them too Hope doesn't seem so far When the excuses are few Food for thought Here's something to chew Don't the let fog of mistakes Mirage your view Bow to the fallen Keeping me straight Cause I know quitting ain't a option Still teaching me their ways from the grave but it pays to be fake And I'm still broke being me I'm so broke don't you see All the pain in my gaze The pain in my smile Wasn't aware of my past That still has me in denial Too many loved ones leaving For years i have had trouble sleeping Pour one out for the 6th of may I'm still grieving Pour one for the 17th of may Every day I still pray And pour one down for the 8th of July God took you both so soon And I still wonder why I have problems need resolving But I can't afford to get them fixed All the stars I been watching Hoping one hears my wish And heals my soul Put me in a position Where I can chase my goals And battle my scars Know I have to hold it down Because I plan to go far All the obstacles I try to not question Who knew night walking Would lead to the Brightest presence Nothing in this world is prefect I'm just wanna stay on course With the belief that I'm worth it Lotta Lessons learnt And time is the best teacher Uncle John gone rip I still need ya To teach me how to be a man And teach me how to love God still made a way Every time I fall off Knowing he looking over my shoulder Realise that if ain't hurting And then I growing older