One Phone Call

Operator operator, please connect me cuz I don't know what number to call Operator operator, everytime I dial all I hear is a tone I hope that you can hear me thru the grapevine I'll grab an IPhone so we can facetime I'll even call Jesus on the mainline tell him pass the phone cuz I got sumn to say Hey D, it's me ya dear ole daddy that you never met I miss you and ya sister too, I never can forget As much as tears have soaked my soul and left my spirit wet I just know that you and her were sent to God as special guests And since y'all days of Feel like my times changed I been ransacking my brain, crashing my mind frame Every time I spit about it, every lines pain Pressure weighing on my mental heavy like a migraine But how's the afterlife? Honestly I'm not really sure What I believe, but going off of what I learned when I grew up I'm hoping you and Selah'ni are frolicking with the Lord With Grandma Bebe laughing and smiling at the door I hope everywhere it's sunshine and rainbows And every lasting moment is fun times and halos Cuz down here, for me it's only flushed eyes, hushed sighs, crushed pride Like I can't cope whenever the pain flow I wanna talk with y'all, really at least one child For a couple minutes, maybe up to one hour I stare at my phone, hoping for a sudden power All around the clock, just wishing that my son dial Man, if I could call you, I wonder what we'd talk about Maybe how ya mama up and left and went and walked it out Sad I couldn't raise you, even now I'm so alone We not together, so we missing you from broken homes Thinking bout how different that life would be A two parent home, a daddy with a wife to see y'all grow Or maybe she'd still leave out of spite for me Drama from a baby mama all because she ain't wanna do life wit me My partners said I dodged a bullet I understand it, but I overthink it to the fullest Cause I would rather explain it to your face about your mother's pride Now I just gotta hope you hear me from the other side Tried to be strong, fed up with the tears Know I said I gotta be good, but I know I'd be better with you here It's been some years, on and off within I'm fighting this I wonder if you can see me crying while writing this It's hard sometimes, still tryna live like a fun guy Remember I never seen the color of my son's eyes Phone close by, just in case, in that one hour Comes, with light, where I can look and see my son dial Man it's crazy how much ties to you D, it's all connected So when a rush of hurt comes, it's barely expected On BeBe's eulogy, my eyes went to read it and wept Who told them she had a great grandchild that had preceded in death At your aunties baby shower, I was strong to go But at the end, while cleaning up man I just lost control The pain just hit me in the worst way Wild thing you and your cousin Camden almost had the same birthdate And you was born hours after Nitra's last name exchange It's just the little things, but they mean everything The dichotomy was enough to make heaven scream I received the news while she received her wedding ring I could keep going, but the ringing in my ear is signaling just what I feared It's telling me that you can't hear I must have called the flatline of the EKG Voicemail, guess I'll leave this message after the beep Operator operator, please connect me cause I don't know what number to call Operator operator, every time I dial all I hear is a tone I hope that you can hear me thru the grapevine I'll grab an IPhone so we can facetime I'll even call Jesus on the mainline Tell him pass the phone cuz I got sumn to say I know this supposed to be the end but I am running out of time to talk Got a lot to say and I'm gone get it off Thought the pain was gone away but nah, its still feeling raw Nah, don't extend the beat, I want God to extend the call D, you and ya sibling gone, ya sister, man I'm missing y'all I know death the end, but I'm wishing I could switch the law When Selah'ni came, I prayed real hard for bout a minute y'all God please if you save her, I'll come back to the christian walk I feel he didn't listen, I ain't dissing, man hear me out Cuz maybe if he rip me out my body I can visit y'all I just need a minute just to tell you how I'm feeling now