When I Go Down

I'll tell you flat outit hurts so much to think of thisso from my thoughts I will excludethis very thing thatI hate more than everything isthe way I'm powerlessto dictate my own moodsI've thrown awayso many things that could've been much moreand I just praymy problems go away if they're ignoredbut that's not the way it worksno that's not the way it workswhen I go downI go down hardand I take everything I've learnedand teach myself some disregardwhen I go downit hurts to hit the bottomand of the things that got me thereI think, if only I had fought themIf and when I canclear myself of this clouded mindI'll watch myself settle downinto a place wherepeace can search me out and findthat I'm so ready to be foundI've thrown awaythe hope I had in friendshipsI've thrown awayso many things that could have been much moreI've thrown awaythe secret to find an end to thisand I just praymy problems go away if they're ignoredbut that's not the way it worksno that's not the way it worksAny control I thought I had just slips right through my handswhile my ever-present conscience shakes its head and reprimands mereprimands methen and thereI confessI'll blame all this on my selfishnessyet you love meand that consumes meand I'll stand up againand do so willinglyYou give me hope, and hope it gives me lifeyou touch my heavy heart, and when you do you make it lightas I exhale I hear your voiceand I answer you, though I heardly make a noiseand from my lips the words I choose to sayseem pathetic, but it's fallen man's praisebecause I love youoh God, I love youand life is now worth livingif only because of youand when they say I'm dead and goneit won't be further from the truthWhen I go downI life my eyes up to youI won't look very farcause you'll be therewith open armsto lift me up againto life me up again