Midsommar

Yesterday I had a fucking Nervous break down Call it a quarter life crisis That I'm trapped in I feel like life is Such a beautiful playground But sometimes I'm scared what'll happen Once I grab the swing Knowing damn well That I'm being selfish Selfish I know I hurt your feelings I feel so helpless Helpless Afraid I'm pushing you away I put my face down For the hopes Of tryna keep my head up When it's time to bounce Bounce Bounce Bounce Shits been going south for me It's like surround sound Somethings got it out for me Maybe I'm paranoid Pretending I don't hear the noise I'm losing you now Tell me if it's just all a dream I'm vulnerable I just can't say that I'm over you I can't believe it's so overdo Back in therapy My mind been over the moon I don't know what to do I'm afraid I have more problems Than I think I have Reflecting on some Traumatizing moments in my past I hit the pad Head first I'm tryna make it back To this place Where I can feel safe Enough to fucking laugh About it I've been putting my problems Onto the ones I love the most I'll do everything in my power Just not to spiral out of control Sometimes life is a bitch It is what it is It's murder she wrote I feel like a coward If it goes downward Then am I to blame or no Knowing damn well That I'm being selfish Selfish I know I hurt your feelings I feel so helpless Helpless Afraid I'm pushing you away I put my face down For the hopes Of tryna keep my head up When it's time to bounce Bounce Bounce Bounce Shits been going south for me It's like surround sound Somethings got it out for me Maybe I'm paranoid Pretending I don't hear the noise I'm losing you now Tell me if it's just all a dream Fears of not being Further in my career I believe that I'm bound to get there Just pissed that it isn't here Impatient for all the Work and rewards to become more clear For me Maybe it's fear of them Maybe it's fear of me Maybe it's fear of death and Of them only mentioning My name with a RIP Maybe it's a fear of Not making my fam proud Of their son before their deceased I'm not at ease at the moment Why do my girl and dad think I'm chosen I know I ain't diagnosed with nothing But I still feel like it's something Thank god I'm on these anti depressants Thank god like he just sent me a message Pray to god I'm never using a weapon Facing fears have turned into an obsession Do you know about the type of Panic attack where you feel that Feeling at the edge of a cliff And even though nothing is really wrong But your brain makes you Think that there is Knowing damn well That I'm being selfish Selfish I know I hurt your feelings I feel so helpless Helpless I think I'm pushing me away But I don't make a sound Took my burdens Tossed them in the fire We gon' burn them down That's vulnerable I'm not afraid to get vulnerable Maybe if I'm little vulnerable Would that make me seem approachable I don't know I just know Feels like hope is gone Even when it feels like Your all alone Hurt inside Voice staying monotone Reoccurring thoughts like Feedback on the phone