Coffin Practice

It wasn't my choice to die Whenever my soul survived Casting a spell It's breaking a vail And casting my ropes to fire Everything that I missed Everything that I was Everything that I never could be All the meaning that never meant much Everything that I had to be I created a masterpiece I took back half my life And I left behind that half of me Some say it's happenstance But I never really had a plan I just closed my eyes and I fell back right to the arms of providence Open my eyes and it starts Calming watching it come from afar Comatosed and I kind of want to learn what I design and align with the stars A utopia look like a threat Cornucopia looks like a mess And from where I'm residing I'm indecisive of what could end up in regret White blank check Bet, what's next? And I could tell you every story ever told, but I just don't know where to start You know I hate to compromise but sometimes I'm too scared of whats inside my heart And if I hate me can you blame me? All this pain can tear your senses right apart These days I know it in my bones, I been here long enough to restart It felt a lot like a lobotomy Hit a wall and I got caught, and at the worst I lost the God in me Somehow I made it to the other side Was broken by the demons that I had inside, thank God I made it out alive And here I am at the starting line, twenty-nine Sodding seeds to seize what I can be without a compromise I know it's do or die, coffin practice I surmise In times I pray to stay the same is when my wants were falsified Told my loved ones "leave me be" when season had me cauterized Left my feet and caught a ride, soaring through the open sky I've tried to sanctify my intellectual property Glory to the minds that trade perception for autonomy But you makes plans for life outside of what your strength allows It feeds into itself a preservation for your broken vows But it can be a tale you told from when they both dropped A bind that you can hold on, a sign to make it all stop And I could tell you every story ever told, but I just don't know where to start You know I hate to compromise but sometimes I'm too scared of whats inside my heart And if I hate me can you blame me? All this pain can tear your senses right apart These days I know it in my bones, I been here long enough to restart A thousand worlds away I would have made you stay right here and when I let it go Although I'd never know Just where I'm meant to be You never wanted me to know