I Need a Gargoyle

I need a gargoyle To protect me From myself A garish face of soft gray stone Peering down from some stately building That's probably a bank now Wedged between a deli and a place to fix your phone He looks something like a cow And something like a crow Every time I'm asked a favor he'll emerge with zero stealth Shouting "NO!" Before I even open up my mouth If I peer into a mirror with thoughts less than generous He'll smash it into pieces Nothing more and nothing less When anxious thoughts are circling I start picking at my scalp He'll make a gorgeous helmet made of Opals, sand and kelp My guardian had a name once But it's been lost to time A sculptor had a bestiary And imposter syndrome As her guide When the patron first beheld the work They seemed less than impressed But he's up there on the building now So it all worked out. I guess Now in his gravelly voice he tells me That I am enough That self-love must come from within But he gets that it is tough He says that some days it's better to be made of stone But a fragile human mind and body has perks he'll never know Strength feels all the sweeter when it's your job to grow If you'd like a gargoyle of your very own Spend some time looking up Turn your mind toward stranger things And ask for some backup Take some time alone, just to reassess If all else fails Mail me one hundred dollars And hope for the best