A Letter to False Hope

You lost a son, do you even care? The one that was forgotten The one that was first but put last Burdened by trails of self destruction and grasping for affirmation and living in the past To say we are stronger To get that pat on the back from your peers saying it's ok What you did, what you've done in my book will never be ok Every fucking conversation even though they have wore so thin that they now don't exist You still find a way to flip it to yourself Selfishness is your true sickness Days turned into months, years, and a decade I just wanted to hear I'm proud of you son But instead I got told I need to go to NA I won't blame you for my problems but you've been the ivy digging it's roots into my core I don't know you And you don't know me All my life I wanted to know you But you didn't want to know me You cant hit reset and think that everything changes You don't get to fucking send me an empty apology when it's fucking court mandated F*ck you for making me hate myself F*ck you for making me miss out on all the moments I could have had if you ever gave a shit And f*ck you for every time I craved a drug I see myself in you I used to dream one day I'll see the number pop up on my phone And hear an unbegged, unwarranted I love you just because you thought of me And I'm done giving myself false hope All of your peers can tell you you did your best in the situation you were put in But I never asked to be alive So I guess this is goodbye