Thorazine

Some tepid water to wash this bitter pill away The last of ten they've made me swallow today Serenity's a four-point restraint while medicine's digesting I guess catharsis is just Thorazine and denial intersecting I saw the doctor-took my shoelaces away But I never planned to kill myself from choking anyway My panicked cries are bleeding scabs which blister down the hall My psychotic apparitions murdered all my self-control The beetles in my brain Whisper suicidal dreams to me Last night my trembling hands took a cold knife to my wrist My obsession with oblivion battled my hope to exist Those dancing shadows on the wall taunted me for nine whole days Plaguing me with lullabies, forcing me to stay awake Here I am again Praying to a God I don't believe in I wept into the void, the void was weeping too, said I wish there was a God; no one to blame but you I wanted to believe that we all had purpose But corporeal reality is fucking meaningless And the anhedonic nihilism, coupled with the shame Of my inability to be a stable human being Forces me to ask the question every single day Should I kill myself right now or is there any hope for change