No ambition

It's such a beautiful day today To go out and get hurt again Or maybe hurt myself But I know that You wouldn't care Or maybe you would Well then, yikes Didn't mean to gaslight It's just the thought that Every time I try and don't get it right Like why even try If I just end up suicidal Depressed, stressed, obsessed With a chain of unnatural events My mind goes blind Head goes numb, feeling dumb Touch the ceiling if I could The same one that I stare at Day after day Slowly feeling more Like not even trying Like not even caring Like not even having any care Or plans