I'm Dying

I gotta tell you I’ve been lying The pressure and my mental health combined and now I’m dying Been looking for some painkillers, too young to be buying I’ve become so numb, I can’t physically be crying Gotta be honest, I ain’t trying I’m making up excuses not to wake up, rather lie in Cuz when there’s nothing left, what is the point in fighting? I’m hurting deep inside but on the outside, I am smiling And I’m failing to be lucid so it’s 999 I’m dialling If death was an option, I’d have already had taken it But I’ve seen what it does and I don’t want people facing it There’s laws on suicide and I have thought about breaking it But when the shot connects, I will not be the one taking it Don’t wanna be alive cuz the world is a dark place Cops are killing people just because they got a dark face Other generations loved this time, not in our case Guess we just grew up in a hard place Parents taught me to be tough So I hide behind a mask cuz they cannot know I’m rough And even when I’m giving up and I’ve just had enough I’ll always keep it together, no one knows bout mental cuffs But let me tell you, when I wanted to just fucking die Way back to when I had that fight I didn’t get no help cuz everybody was asleep at night Didn’t wanna be alive cuz I knew I was traumatised Dealing with that stress seemed way too much, I almost tried to fly Imagine what had happened if I jumped People gather at my downfall while I’m laying in a dump And the doctors tryna save me, oxygen inside a pump This is based on a true story, you can read it when I’m numb If they saved me, then I’d probably need protection from a gun Cuz if I got hold on one, either shoot myself or run I replay that night over and over in my brain Every night, now I’m looking for a girlfriend just to numb the pain I got this feeling that I’m on the verge of death If I don’t make it, tell everyone I’ll love them till the end Now I know that even at this age, sometimes you can’t defend So just know that if I die then I will always try descend I got this feeling that I’m on the verge of death Don’t know if I’m paranoid or if I’m doomed to ascend I’ll be taken down to hell cuz I was doomed to offend Yeah I’m certain I am dying, it’s too much to comprehend