Dead Man Blues

I went to a doctor with a pain in my headHe said: "Tumor boy! Six months you're dead,It's gonna be slow and painfulIt ain't gonna be no fun"So I went home and decidedI'll end it now my life's doneGame Over, end of the rideIt's suicide!!!So I took out a shotgun, I put it in my mouthI put it in too far, I gagged then ralphedI jumped in front of a truckI missed and only felt a breezeThen I tried a bus, the driver stopped and said:"Exact change, please!!!"I survived, was still alive!I dropped a toaster in the tub with meIt did wonders for my hairWas gonna drive myself right off a cliffGot lost on my way thereI took a jar of sleeping pillsBut all I did was snoozeI can't do nothing rightI got the Dead Man Blues!Can't get it rightI'm feeling so uptightI can't die I gotta wonder whyI try and try and try but I can't dieI've got the Dead Man Blues'Cause even if I win I loseI threw a rope around the raftersAround my neck, stood on a chairThe phone rings, my machine picks upAnd guess who's there?It's a message from my doctorAnd he says: "Hey lucky break!It was just a dirt on the X-rayWhoops! I made a mistake!"And then I slipped off the chairAnd I was hanging there:I've got the Dead Man Blues'Cause even if I win I loseThe Dead Man Blues