I'm So Good That I Don't Have To Brag

Now I'm warnin' all you women don't stand too close to me cause you might catch fireNow you're talkin' to a man in a whole other kind of bagWell I'm three parts tiger and one part snakeI'll ball you to sleep and I'll bite you awakeAnd I'm so good that I don't have to bragI need an adding machine to count up all the women I've ruined for other menNow compared to me Paul Bunyan is a screamin' fagI can shift more gears and pump more juice I'll turn you every which way but looseAnd I'm so damn good that I don't have to bragNow there's twenty thirty beautiful women a sleepin' at the foot of my bedAnd every night every night I hear 'em sighinThey say that I don't miss a thing they say that I'm the lovin' kingAnd I'm too nice a guy to say they're lyinNow I've been makin' love professionally since I was only six years oldAnd I really learned the way to wiggly wagAnd still I'm such a modest man you know I'm twice as great as I think I amI'm so good that I don't have to bragThere's a line of chicks startin' at my window and reachin' across the streetAnd it stretches 'way to the other side of townThey come to me from across the seas on their knees just sayin' PleaseAnd I'm too nice a guy to turn 'em downNow I once got captured by some Amazon women down in the Fiji IslesThey were fightin' over me to see who'd be my brideI had to kill them all and I will admit it and I won't tell you how I did itBut I'll tell you each one was smilin' when she diedNow the day I die every woman in the country's gonna go around dressed in blackAnd they'll probably add another star to the American flagAnd they'll build me a monument forty feet high sayin' it's a shame he had to dieHe was so damn good he never had to bragAnd I'm tellin' you men keep your eighteen year old daughters off of my backAnd your wives they like the way I carry onAnd why don't you go look at your mother for a whileYou notice she's wearin' a funny sorta smileWell that just means I've been there and I've goneNow if you got a frigid woman I'm gonna cure her for a hundred dollarsYou can bring her around my house at four o'clockAnd you can come and pick her up at 4:03 if you can pry her off of meI got a whole lot of others just waitin' 'round the blockNow if you're wonderin' how you're gonna get to meBetter bring a Cadillac full of moneyCause I sure as hell ain't gonna swing without no swagI can make you creep I can make you crawl make you scream and climb the wallAnd I'm so good that I don't have to bragSo Baby don't call me up at three o'clock in the mornin' no more threatenin' suicideI mean go ahead and do it honey cause wakin' me up is a dragAnd you can leave a note for all the rest sayin' at least you had the very bestAnd he's so damn good that he don't have to bragNow I'm warnin' all you women don't stand too close to me cause you might catch fireNow you're talkin' to a man in a whole other kind of bagI'm three parts tiger and one part snake I'll ball you to sleep and I'll bite you awakeAnd I'm so good that I don't have to brag