Ramblin' Rover

Oh, there're sober men in plenty,And drunkards barely twenty,There are men of over ninetyThat have never yet kissed a girl.But gie me a ramblin' rover,And fae Orkney down to Dover.We will roam the country overAnd together we'll face the world.There's many that feign enjoymentFrom merciless employment,Their ambition was this deploymentFrom the minute they left the school.And they save and scrape and ponderWhile the rest go out and squander,See the world and rove and wanderAnd are happier as a rule.I've roamed through all the nationsTa'en delight in all creation,And I've tried a wee sensationWhere the company, did prove kind.And when partin' was no pleasure,I've drunk another measureTo the good friends that were treasureFor they always are in our minds.If you're bent wi' arth-i-ritis,Your bowels have got colitis,You've gallopin' with bollockitisAnd you're thinkin' it's time you died,If you been a man of action,Though you're lying there in traction,You will get some satisfactionThinkin', "Jesus, at least I tried."