The Contest

Adolfo Pirelli: I am Adolfo PirelliDa king of da barbersDa barber of kings E buon giorno, good day I blow you a kiss! And I, da so famous Pirelli I wish-a to know-a Who has-a the nerve-a to say My elixir is piss! Who says this?! Sweeney Todd: 'I do. [...] I am Mr. Sweeney Todd of Fleet Street. I have opened a bottle of Pirelli's elixer and I say to you that it is nothing but an errant fraud, concocted from piss and ink. Furthermore -'Signor'- I have serviced no kings, yet I wager that I can shave a cheek with ten times more dexterity than any street mountebank!' Adolfo Pirelli: 'You hear zis foolish man? Now, please, you will see how he will regret his folly!Sweeney Todd: 'Who's for a free shave?[The Crowd cheers: ME, ME, ME!]Sweeney Todd: 'Will Beadle Bamford be the judge?Beadle Bamford: 'Glad, as always to oblige my friends and neighbours. ...The fastest, smoothest shave, is the winner.[Music begins] Adolfo Pirelli: Now signorini, signori We mix-a da lather But first-a you gather around Signorini, signori You looking a man Who had-a da glory To shave-a da Pope!Mr. Sweeney whoever--I beg-a you pardonYou'll probably say it was only a cardinal--Nope! It was-a da pope! To shave-a da face To cut-a da hair Require da grace Require da flairFor if-a you slip You nick da skin You clip-a da chin You rip-a da lip a bit beyond-a repair! To shave-a da face Or even a part Widout it-a smart Require da heart! Not just-a da flash It take-a panache It take-a da passion for da art To shave-a da face To trim-a da beard To make-a da bristle Clean like a whistleDis is from early infancy Da talent give to me By God! It take-a da skillIt take-a da brainsIt take-a da will To take-a da pains It take-a da paceIt take-a da graaaace!Beadle Bamford: 'The winner -- is Todd!'