Tourniquet of Ties

Don't you know It's not supposed to hurt this much When you can't see who is supposed to be family A fear unspoken Blood bonds broken love lost to insanity Inner parts stand in the shadows throwing shame like stones Carve their judgments in my flesh mark it on my bones But I'm grown I know right from wrong Though it took me time to catch up to the fall Family ties twist tighter than a tourniquet killing me slow oh oh Pain lingers betrayal of you choosing others when will it go When will it be That family sets you free Not chain me in misery But my spirit's unshackled I redefine my history Sister made me choose between her family and mine Mother made me choose between her and another woman in fathers life Now I have a relationship with both of them but at what cost When I reject my grief and project it outwards maybe this is the result Or maybe not psychoanalyzing myself after all the ways you have pathologized me Maybe I'm in over my head or head over heels Maybe it's got less to do with me losing gravity Maybe it's got more to do with the stars aligning and then combusting Despite all my dusting I was born a slave but now unchained No love and no hate can seal my fate Grateful for the moments that happened and eager for more Taking note of all the things my heart desires from those who believe in the universe and letting you know Because you're the one I want to want They say start fresh but the dirt's too deep Even dreams get muddy when you dig through sleep So I sweep through the mess keep my head on straight though it never even was All I know is it's not supposed to hurt this much So I'll take this pain turn it into gold dust Family's who you choose You are theirs I am yours Loyalty's a must