Doubt and Hope

Huh Forced to yearn and desire Living in lack and inspired by mire My opinion matters like ash in a fire My ire wired to my side Tell me my thinking implores What my eyes see Why be authentic? Can't even be afraid for a minute It's offensive Is it realistic, or ripe for derision? Lately I been thinking bout contentment I place intention in my daily living And let wisdom filter my experiences I really been tryna get it right In its time, it'll be mine, be sublime Bring me life In my mind's eye, see the vision Equilibrium give me stability In stepping freely through revisions Giving me remission of sins In my head Inside, I watch my steps I heard what you said I'm trying to find what's next Yeah Living in my head Inside, I watch my steps I heard what you said I'm trying to find what's next I'm scared to doubt and it fills me with dread I can't let you treat me like I have no head I hope I can live out the good that I've read In my head In my steps Am I really faking? Hm, hm, hm, (sometimes I think I am) I'n wrote my pages Of contemplations, across my stages Yuh, yuh (always performing) I'n spent my days wavering And savoring my pain Turning yays into nays Plagiaring ways of the days prior Paying attention to things I shouldn't I make my endeavor to be better Better than yesterday, I meditate On better ways to extricate Myself to a better place Place faith where it's meant to lay Tell myself everything is gon' be okay Grateful for the better days I don't really expect them to stay the same But I pray that I'll be okay Whatever happen, and whatever change See whatever you touch in this life It can turn to vapor That's why I don't idolize chasing paper If delulu gets you through Your day to day Then hey that's great My hope is still finding its way Listening back to my words I can hear myself giving up Cause I'm tired I'm trying to get up Get off my back and just sit up I don't see a silver lining But I think that's fine Cause everything doesn't have one I practice acceptance, and struggle to live in contentment I see my behavior's offensive But staying the same is so tempting Huh Trying to be humble and listen But seeing the message is twisted Enlisting my mental to give in and Get what the person is saying They act like I don't even have a perspective I'm always a stone's throw from tweaking out I'm tryna give up control and see it out I'm tryna make sure I don't repeat The same old mistakes I see'em, tryna beat'em out I'm tryna see if I really matter now I want me and Yah to sit and have it out There's more I could say right now But three minutes the longest I think yall will stay around Living in my head Inside, I watch my steps I heard what you said I'm trying to find what's next I'm scared to doubt and it fills me with dread I can't let you treat me like I have no head I hope I can live out the good that I've read In my head In my steps