plz call 116-123

My ex boyfriend said he would kill himself if he wasn't with me, I call him my ex because he's gone I've been feeling grief for 2 months now Every time I wake up, I just wanna end my life Every time I wake up, all I do is fucking cry Yeah, grab a knife out the kitchen, put to my wrist and cut it, nice Yeah you said you want nothing to do with me, then why you keep calling my line Yeah, this the first time in a long while I talk about some real shit Just wanna OD of a X, and a HHC, and a perky just to finish it When I open up my eyes, I get mad, yeah I didn't die Tryna play with my emotions, call me up three times, what that say about you Blocked yo ass on everything, believing shit that ain't even true You said you know what I been through, it ain't nice, but you did it too What you mean? What they say? What they tryna see What you heard? I OD'd wanna fall asleep I left they asses in the past and I ain't even look back Gave me a book on how to get rich and I just put that shit in my book bag Yeah, I dont f*ck with mudsharks, I close the door when I see that I've been battling all these thoughts inside my head its a boxing fight When I get high, I try to forget everything Grab a box of pills and shove it down my throat, but it ain't working Are listening to what I'm saying, I ain't screaming I ain't shouting Yeah, I'm crying out for help, I got my hand out no one helping Every time I wake up, I just wanna end my life Every time I wake up, all I do is fucking cry Yeah, grab a knife out the kitchen, put to my wrist and cut it, nice Yeah you said you want nothing to do with me, then why you keep calling my line Yeah, this the first time in a long while I talk about some real shit Just wanna OD of a X, and a HHC, and a perky just to finish it When I open up my eyes, I get mad, yeah I didn't die Tryna play with my emotions, call me up three times, what that say about you I've lost loved ones and I've also had friends that struggle significantly with grief But, I can never tell those friends, that I am often very suicidal I maintain this sunny disposition, to hide what I've been going through, but As they're coping with loss, I'm coping with the effects that Losing my own life, might have on their life