I Can't Process

It started with my mom-mom She passed when I was a kid I still remember playing go-fish And all the things we did At that time I didn't understand it And I still kinda don't But now I get what it all means And what it does to others I didn't go to her funeral because I couldn't process I didn't sleep that night because I couldn't process I didn't talk about it because I couldn't process My mind is at a roadblock because I cannot process I know that immortality is just a stupid fantasy But the thought of people passing away is really hurting me I hate to see RIP on your instagram page I hear you're gone and I get so down and then I start to rage Next up was an idol From my favorite rock band He passed away in his sleep Gone by his own hand He had a lot of issues Both physical and mental Some of us can take the pain While others cannot settle I listened to his song on repeat because I couldn't process I watched his interviews all night because I couldn't process I didn't talk about it because I couldn't process My mind is at a roadblock because I cannot process I know that immortality is just a stupid fantasy But the thought of people passing away is really hurting me I hate to see RIP on your instagram page I hear you're gone and I get so down and then I start to rage Recently it's been people I knew in real life One was my bro's ex girl, she was sad Another was my grandfather and he was ill And just the other day it was this kid He was my first ever real best friend It was all so sudden and I wish it didn't end I signed off social media because I couldn't process I made sure others were okay because I couldn't process I didn't talk about it because I couldn't process My mind is at a roadblock because I cannot process The problem is I've thought about leaving myself I never talk about it cuz I put it all on the shelf I haven't touched that topic in so long cuz I guess I got lucky I was able to avoid it and yeah I know it's touchy This subject about illness, suicide and all the tragedy Just know I get it because to this day it all affects me I started making music cuz I still can't process I had to write this song cuz I still can't process I didn't talk about it and I still can't process My mind is at a roadblock because I still can't process