Liquor Saved Me From Sports

Jim Bean, my best friend, picks me up in his truckIn the backseat JD, my brother in lawMy German penpal Helmut J'germeisterSends me small bottles of liquor in the mailI know I chosen the right pathSo I did the mathThe call, will be answeredI will grow up to be a romancerHockey is for sissys, football for nerdsBowling for grandma and her domesticated birdsJeff, bobby, matt, those football assholesI slam the door in their faces, they will only see laces[Chorus:]Liquor saved me from the sportsI rather sit by the pool in my sperm stained shortsAnd get fucked up...I want to be addicted, subjected by the boozeI'd like to wake up in the morning and feel my ozeMy bitch tells me she wished I would never been bornShe sits at home and mourn..![Chorus]Baseball for machosLa crosse for the queerTap Dance for grandpaand his conservative peersI may have vomit on my clothesBut I still know how to break some bones[Chorus]Bottoms up, buckle up!!! [x2]